A few weeks ago, my family celebrated Thanksgiving. In attendance were a few relatives, a few family friends, and an overbearing sense of madness, placed upon me by my favorite thrash band, Das Oath.
As we all sat at the dining room table, ready to kick off Thrashgiving (I'm so witty), my father participated in the customary cutting of the turkey. At that time, all I could think of were the couple of pipe bombs stuffed inside, ready to go off and obliterate us all. I was convinced the green bean casserole (which was really shitty, by the way) had a land mine in it, and that the bread rolls were made of C-4. Even when there was a knock at the door, from my aunt who had gone to her car to get something, I was mentally preparing myself for lead singer, Mark McCoy, to kick down the adjacent wall and lunge at me with a scimitar.
Welcome to the mind-fuck that is 2006's Mini LP.
Since I'm one of the few who was lucky enough to have survived this album, here is the only advice I can give to any brave enough to attempt it:
1) Buy a good straightjacket, and a matching mouth-guard.
2) Find a remote location; preferably on that is far, far away from any heavily populated areas.
3) Call your mother, and tell her you love her.
4) Press play.
What follows will be the most intense 13-minute period of your life, where you will destroy any and every man-made object within a 25-mile radius. Afterward, there will be a seven minute period of pre-recorded silence, which will give you ample time to ponder life's mysteries, as the local government officials race to find the epicenter of what they thought to be a hydrogen bomb going off.
Bottom line: This album is the epitome of frantic. Das Oath can only operate in one tempo, and that is warp speed. Some bands like to give you a slow song here and there, to make sure you have a little bit of rest time. Das Oath will never give you that luxury. Every track will hit you like a concussive blast, and by the end, you're going to need a really good therapist, because the road to recovery will be very long and difficult.
Tracks to look out for: You Will Never, Never, Never, Never Know Me / Tightened, Solidified, Cracking / Occupant/Applicant / Only Us Fakes Get All The Breaks / Mouldering
