Das Oath - Mini LP

A few weeks ago, my family celebrated Thanksgiving. In attendance were a few relatives, a few family friends, and an overbearing sense of madness, placed upon me by my favorite thrash band, Das Oath.

As we all sat at the dining room table, ready to kick off Thrashgiving (I'm so witty), my father participated in the customary cutting of the turkey. At that time, all I could think of were the couple of pipe bombs stuffed inside, ready to go off and obliterate us all. I was convinced the green bean casserole (which was really shitty, by the way) had a land mine in it, and that the bread rolls were made of C-4. Even when there was a knock at the door, from my aunt who had gone to her car to get something, I was mentally preparing myself for lead singer, Mark McCoy, to kick down the adjacent wall and lunge at me with a scimitar.

Welcome to the mind-fuck that is 2006's Mini LP.

Since I'm one of the few who was lucky enough to have survived this album, here is the only advice I can give to any brave enough to attempt it:

1) Buy a good straightjacket, and a matching mouth-guard.

2) Find a remote location; preferably on that is far, far away from any heavily populated areas.

3) Call your mother, and tell her you love her.

4) Press play.

What follows will be the most intense 13-minute period of your life, where you will destroy any and every man-made object within a 25-mile radius. Afterward, there will be a seven minute period of pre-recorded silence, which will give you ample time to ponder life's mysteries, as the local government officials race to find the epicenter of what they thought to be a hydrogen bomb going off.

Bottom line: This album is the epitome of frantic. Das Oath can only operate in one tempo, and that is warp speed. Some bands like to give you a slow song here and there, to make sure you have a little bit of rest time. Das Oath will never give you that luxury. Every track will hit you like a concussive blast, and by the end, you're going to need a really good therapist, because the road to recovery will be very long and difficult.

Tracks to look out for: You Will Never, Never, Never, Never Know Me / Tightened, Solidified, Cracking / Occupant/Applicant / Only Us Fakes Get All The Breaks / Mouldering

Kenny Loggins - Keep the Fire

As Smoothtember comes to an end, I can't help but give praise to the patron saint of all things smooth; Kenny Loggins. Let's take a look at the cover of his masterpiece third album, 1979's Keep the Fire. There's so much going on in that one picture alone (waves crashing, a rainbow, shooting stars, a sun rising, galaxies exploding, Kenny Loggins dressed like Jesus holding what appears to be the spark of creation), yet all of those things together aren't overpowering.

That's what this album is like; it's a chaotic mess of elements that shouldn't work together, but somehow manage to. Be it the jungle beats, sting sections, smooth chord progressions, or soulful vocals; Loggins proves himself as a pioneer, and an unstoppable force in any genre he decides to touch.

Throughout this album are a few gems that nobody could have seen coming. Let’s take, for example, the usage of the vocoder during Keep the Fire. Nowadays, technology like this is seen everywhere in popular music, but back then, stuff like that was reserved for science fiction movies, or the band Kraftwerk (also arguably science fiction in their own right). But Loggins thought better, and even though it’s used sparingly, it gives us a feel that in the future, when robots are everywhere, Loggins will be too.

But wait, what about the boot scootin’ boogie of a track known as Mr. Night? Wasn’t that a precursor to a hit country song called Boot Scootin’ Boogie? Yup. And then, there’s the seemingly accidental invention of dance-punk during the bridge of Junkanoo Holiday (Fallin’-Flyin’), where the song turns from Disney soundtrack to straight up funk music, with an extreme rock attitude.

And let’s not forget the best track on the album, This is It. Let’s run down the checklist of what makes this song perfect. Smooth guitar? Check. Vocals that sound like silk? Check. Sassy bridges? Check. Sing-along choruses? Check. The duo of Loggins and McDonald prove in less than four minutes that there is no pair more potent than they. (Sorry, Messina!)

Bottom line: This a perfect blend of smooth ballads and rocking tracks that will inspire you to greatness. If you want to treat your ears, and your soul to something that would make the gods themselves tremble under the incomparable power of these smooth tunes, then this is it!

Yes, that was a Loggins pun.

I apologize for that.

Tracks to look out for: Love Has Come of Age / Mr. Night / This is It / Junkanoo Holiday (Fallin'-Flyin') / Who's Right, Who's Wrong / Keep the Fire

Death from Above 1979 - You're a Woman, I'm a Machine

Death from Above 1979. What can I say about this band? Ever since I first heard this duo in the fall of 2006, I felt a mix of extreme infatuation and utter confusion as to what was coming out of my speakers. Three years later, nothing has changed.

Its' first (and only) true album, 2004's You're a Woman, I'm a Machine, is one of a kind. Despite how few people this band appeals to, those who do love it will be hard-pressed to find fault in it. From the first C note on Turn it Out, to the four second piano jangle at the end of Sexy Results, the entire album is a thirty-five minute orgy of lyrics fueled by sexual tension, furious bass lines, and blatantly-erotic drum beats.

Every part of this album screams, "I'm not happy, but at least I'm getting laid!" With tracks like Romantic Rights, which emphasizes pursuing relationships in order to get some momentary enjoyment, or Blood On Our Hands, which depicts a very dysfunctional relationship based around a mutual appreciation of the coital arts, this album celebrates how easy it is to forget your troubles, and focus on boning down. And bone down they will.

A good portion of this album deals with how many issues the band members have. During the song Go Home, Get Down, lead singer, Sebastien Grainger, sings “So if you tell me that you'll have me never leave me ‘til I die / Why try?” showing how tempting it may be to flake out during a relationship. Or how about the song Going Steady, where he makes a Freudian slip, and accidentally refers to his girl as “mother”. Details like this, despite being so easy to gloss over, give us a view of what kind of character traits define these people.

The best moments in the album come in the form of arguments, as portrayed in songs like Cold War, or Blood On Our Hands, both of which seem to be response letters to each other. The former is from a female perspective, where she has to decide for herself whether or not she wants to stay attached to her man. The latter is a tale of a man asking his woman to come back to him, so they can have some crazy make-up/revenge sex.

Did I mention how much this band loves sex? Seriously, they have two songs in a row called Pull Out, and Sexy Results. It doesn’t get much more straightforward than that.

Even at their lowest moments, this band throws everything they've got at you. Their slow songs are still thumping, and their introspective moments make you want to get into a fistfight. There's no sophistication, no subtlety, and no feigned maturity; just raw adrenaline coated in a rich mixture of bitterness and bodily fluids.

Bottom line: This is dance-punk at it's best. If you're looking for an un-godly alliance of hardcore punk, dance music, and noise-rock, that will throw you into cardiac arrest, then welcome home. We've been expecting you.

Tracks to look out for: Turn it Out / Romantic Rights / Blood on Our Hands / Black History Month / Cold War / You're a Woman, I'm a Machine / Pull Out / Sexy Results